Planes, Trains, and Running Shoes

I'm going to have a baby this month. 

It feels weird to type that out but at the same time, it feels so right and I definitely feel ready.

I haven't written much about my pregnancy on this blog. 

Ok, I haven't written much about anything this blog lately but here we are, in the home stretch and I thought it was time to write something!

At 38 weeks, this little one could make their appearance any time this month. At one of my very first appointments, my midwife made it very clear that I could have our baby any time between 37 and 42 weeks. Honestly, I think this is the best thing anyone has told me. I've been prepared that baby could come "any day now" for the last week but I also know that I could still be pregnant for 4 more weeks. Yes, I'm tired. Yes, I'm uncomfortable but knowing that the whole concept of a due date is arbitrary is really putting me in a good headspace to just be prepared and take things one day at a time. 

I really wanted to love being pregnant but the road to getting here was too bumpy and my first 20 weeks were really hard. I found out I was pregnant at just 3 weeks and started getting sick almost immediately. I was throwing up 5-6 times a day and couldn't eat anything. With my history of loss, this terrified me. I was trying so hard to just take things one day at a time and not be scared of this pregnancy but not being able to eat made it hard. When I finally stopped being sick at around 14 weeks, I didn't have the energy for anything. I kept hearing about how magical the second trimester was but I felt awful. After a diagnosis of low iron and adding in a supplement, I finally started feeling better around 20 weeks and have felt really good right up until the last week or so when I've just started feeling tired and uncomfortable as I've come to full term. 

I've tried to stay active, walking almost every day and going to prenatal yoga every week. I haven't run my entire pregnancy and I desperately miss it. During my first trimester, I was honestly too scared to run. I know that running is safe during pregnancy but with my history, I couldn't bring myself to start running. Not to mention how sick I was. To be honest, I lived in a little bit of a bubble during the first five months of my pregnancy. By the time I finally felt like I could start running, I was already too big and uncomfortable. I tried easing into a walk/run routine but ultimately, I stuck to walking. I know that it will take a while before I'm able to run postpartum and I hope I'm not too lofty in dreaming of a fall marathon next year but I'm pretty good about managing my expectations and plan to take it slow and see what I'm able to do. 

One thing I wasn't prepared for was how real the nesting instinct would be. We moved into our house just a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant and because I got so sick so soon, there were a lot of things that needed to get done around the house that were left undone for a long time. I didn't unpack the last moving box until about a month ago! Before I could even think about the nursery, I had this desperate need to get the living room gallery wall up, the pantry repainted and organized, my office completely done, all of the outlet covers in the house replaced (they had been painted over by the previous owners), the laundry room redone, and a whole host of other projects. Surprisingly, I got through all of them and the nursery is finished (save a hole in the ceiling that appeared over the weekend!) and I'm ready to just take it easy and wait to bring home our little one. 

It's crazy to think that exactly one year ago, I was reeling from a second miscarriage and didn't think I ever wanted to get pregnant again. It was too scary and too painful and it took a lot for me to be in a place where I could think about getting pregnant again. We haven't even met our baby yet but I'm so glad I didn't give up. This journey is one that I wouldn't wish on anyone - it is cruel and painful and unbelievably lonely - but I survived it and I hope that there is a lesson in here somewhere that I can carry with me as I welcome our baby into this world. 

Thanks for reading.